Busy parents often find their intimate lives impacted by the demands of daily responsibilities. According to psychotherapist Vanessa Marin, a common issue for many parents is the struggle to maintain a satisfying sex life amidst the chaos of family obligations. Research indicates that 37% of mothers report feeling “very dissatisfied” or “dissatisfied” with their sexual frequency. Factors contributing to this dissatisfaction include a lack of time, energy, and emotional connection.
Marin emphasizes the importance of communication and initiative in rekindling intimacy between partners. She points out that simply showing interest in sex can significantly enhance emotional closeness. “Initiating sex is about showing your partner that they’re important and that intimacy is a priority for you,” Marin explains. This approach not only strengthens the bond but also acknowledges the vulnerability involved in such gestures.
For many parents, the end of a long day can lead to exhaustion, making the idea of intimacy feel daunting. Marin suggests that instead of waiting for a perfect moment to engage in intimacy, couples should embrace smaller opportunities throughout their busy lives. “When you initiate, it helps break the cycle of waiting for the ‘perfect moment,’ which rarely happens for exhausted parents,” she notes. Simple gestures like a kiss or a playful touch can open the door to intimacy without requiring extensive planning or time.
It is often the case that one partner takes on the majority of the responsibility for initiating sex. Marin encourages couples to discuss this dynamic openly. “Both partners should initiate,” she asserts, noting that when initiation falls solely on one person, it can lead to feelings of burden and disconnection. She recommends expressing feelings directly, such as saying, “It would mean so much to me if you initiated sometimes, too,” to foster a more balanced approach to intimacy.
Scheduling time for intimacy can also be effective, especially for busy parents. Marin advises couples to be intentional about setting aside time for each other, which can help prevent intimacy from becoming an afterthought.
In addition to sexual intimacy, Marin underscores the significance of non-sexual touch in nurturing closeness. Regular acts of affection, such as cuddling or holding hands, can help maintain the spark in a relationship. “Sending a flirty text during the day or giving your partner a compliment can help keep the spark alive, even when you’re both running on fumes,” she suggests.
Marin highlights the role of oxytocin, often referred to as the love hormone, in enhancing emotional connections. “You’ll actually be able to feel the exact moment that it gets released. It feels like your entire body letting out one big ‘Ahhhh,’” she explains. Research indicates that this hormone is a strong predictor of marital satisfaction, making it vital for couples to engage in activities that promote its release.
Understanding the psychological responses to physical touch is also crucial. Marin notes that many couples may experience a “bristle response,” where one partner tenses up when touched due to anxiety about the implications of that touch. She suggests that partners should openly communicate about their desires, allowing for more comfort with everyday physical contact.
With some open communication and a willingness to adapt how intimacy is initiated, Marin believes parents can navigate the complexities of their busy lives while still nurturing their relationships. The goal is to make intimacy a welcome relief rather than another obligation, transforming the end-of-day fatigue into a moment of connection.
In a world where parenting can often overshadow personal relationships, Marin’s insights provide a practical framework for maintaining intimacy, reminding couples that they can still prioritize their connection amidst the daily chaos of family life.
