A recent letter to etiquette expert Miss Manners highlights the emotional complexities surrounding birthday celebrations that occur right after major holidays. The individual, whose birthday falls just after the New Year, expressed feelings of disappointment over their birthday being overshadowed by the festive season.
The writer reflects on their childhood experiences where birthday celebrations often merged with the holiday festivities. Receiving “combo” gifts from friends and family became a norm, leading to a sense of gratitude that overshadowed their desire for individual recognition. The availability of automated e-cards exacerbates the situation, as many friends now opt to send greetings on New Year’s Day instead of the individual’s actual birthday.
Seeking advice on how to gently remind friends of their true birthday without appearing ungrateful, the writer noted that previous attempts to signal this—such as subtly mentioning plans and the weather—failed to yield the desired result. The individual finds themselves still receiving e-cards and emails on New Year’s Day, often with notes wishing them well on their birthday “today,” despite the date being inaccurate.
Miss Manners responded thoughtfully, acknowledging that being shortchanged on birthday celebrations as a child could lead to lingering feelings of dissatisfaction in adulthood. She clarified that the well-wishers are likely not aware of the mix-up, as e-cards are generated automatically and lack personal touch.
In her response, Miss Manners emphasized the importance of acceptance. She advised the writer to let go of any frustration regarding casual birthday greetings from acquaintances. If a close friend or family member forgets the date, it may be worth mentioning the sensitivity surrounding the issue, rooted in childhood experiences. However, for those sending e-cards, she urged the writer to move on.
In another query, a reader sought advice on presenting a nameplate for their mother, who recently earned a Ph.D.. The reader was unsure whether to display her name with all credentials or simply use “Dr.” followed by the other titles. Miss Manners suggested using “Dr.” as the primary title for the home desk nameplate, cautioning against overwhelming the plate with multiple titles, which could be perceived as excessive in a professional environment.
The insights from Miss Manners resonate with many who navigate the social nuances of birthday celebrations and professional acknowledgments. Her advice emphasizes the importance of understanding the intentions behind gestures, as well as the significance of personal connections in a world increasingly reliant on automated communications.
